During recovery, you acquire so many skills, like how to ask for help and how to set healthy boundaries. You learn these skills in the context of you fighting your addiction. What if we can use some of those same skills in our relationships with our families? It’s a tricky question because we have to be willing to get uncomfortable. We have to be willing to face the parts of ourselves that are not perfect, not blissful, and not always feeling good.
These skills can help mend and build relationships with our loved ones even if we’ve previously hated the sight of them. It is not asking people to give up their hurt feelings. It is asking people to find the strength and the skills they need to put those feelings aside and work at repairing and restoring a relationship with you and other family members. These are some of the skills you can apply to your family life.
Time Management
We hear so many excuses in recovery, “I don’t have time to go to a meeting, I don’t have time to go home and eat with my family, I don’t have time to call that person back.” You’ve heard them all. The idea that we don’t have enough time escapes us completely in the fog of addiction. It would be best if you worked on keeping time and prioritizing your time. Even if it’s just a few minutes, making the time to call is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your family. You can’t manage other people’s time, but you can manage yours.
Financial Responsibility
Addiction tends to leave us broke and unable to care for our basic needs. We have to work hard to get our lives back in order. We may have gotten behind on rent or mortgage payments and need the help of others. If you’ve been left with a pile of medical bills, you may need to call your insurance company and find out how you can afford them without going into debt. If you’ve been out of work for a while, you will need to make a plan to start paying back your student loans, credit card bills, and car payments. You need to start taking care of your finances. You may already be doing this on some level, but you need to do it more consistently.
Healthy Habits And Routines
Your loved ones want to know that you are getting well. If a person is abusing drugs or alcohol, it’s common to assume that this person isn’t interested in anything but using. Family members want to know that you are getting better, and a big part of this is living with regularity and routine. Coming home regularly and doing the dishes are steps in the right direction. Making and sticking to a meal plan is another big step in the right direction.
Social Skills
Many of us have difficulty in social settings. Our uncomfortable feelings reduce us to awkward silence, or our anger gets the best of us, and we say something we regret. We want our loved ones to see us as changed, but it can be difficult because we don’t know how to act differently. Many of us feel awkward and self-conscious and are afraid that people will notice how different we are now. You can try and interact more with your family.
You can ask them how their day went and tell them about your day. If you are estranged from some of your family, that doesn’t mean that you don’t want to develop a relationship with them in the future. The best way to do this is by letting them know what’s going on in your life. In conclusion, recovery is hard, and it pushes us to look at parts of ourselves that we may not have wanted to see for a very long time. You may have had an intense and difficult relationship with your family before you struggled with addiction, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t find a new way forward, relating to them and making amends. To get help applying your recovery skills to your family life, call 833-285-1315.
